When KX was turning one, we started thinking about having a no. 2 and we also questioned why we would wanna have another?
Even though during the pre-marital class, both of us have agreed on having 2. But, what did I know about child-bearing, then? After no. 1, the incredulous battle with morning sickness definitely made having no.2 a well calculated one. I mean, who could ever forget the countless retchings, heart burns and refluxes when it actually lasted throughout the whole of the first trimester? 16 weeks felt like eternity then though I love my baby. Even mere mentions of it now still makes me shudder! *Gulps!* With that, I think I was pretty brave thinking abt no.2 when KX was barely a year old.
During the wait, I would very often throw the Husband the question, “Why do we wanna have a no.2, Dear?” I asked not cause I don’t want one, I asked cos I knew we did not have the same reasons for wanting one. During this search, my personal conviction is, I wanted to have one cos I love another one. I have chosen to love no.2 even before the point of conception. Hence, when morning sickness hit the 19th week for this boy, I still loved him. When I found out that he had cleft at 5 months, I still loved him. When he was born small and had the numerous health conditions, I still loved him. When I knew he has Down Syndrome, I still love him. When I have to busy myself with therapies, running to and fro hospital visits, learning all the home care, pumping and pumping and pumping tirelessly, it’s all worth it and alright, cos I love him.
Lookin’ back, I was glad I went through this search in my mind and had multiple discussions with the Husband to be on the same page and be in the same agreement. If not, caring for him now would be difficult. I would possibly complain more than I care and become grouchy instead of grateful.
I remembered we discussing the following with sweetheart when we were planning for KR:
Reason #01: KX needs a playmate.
If we buy this idea, then no.2 is nothing but another toy. And if I still hold on to that reason, KR being a special child, I would have felt totally guilty for giving KX a “sub-standard” playmate. Is no.2’s destiny and main aim in life to serve his older sister? To fulfill his role as but a companion? No. KR has a destiny and a well written one in the Lord. He has to walk his just as his Sister, hers. It’s nice to have a playmate to grow old with but that’s not the main reason why we wanted to have KR, we wanted cos we love him.
Reason #02: 2 children seemed like the perfect family model.
In commercial ads and any pro-family commercials or posters, it’s always a family of 4 that’s being portrayed in the scenes. That seemed like the perfect family mod. 2 children in each family, one girl and one boy.
Each parent handling one child is somewhat the most efficient way of parenting. The 1:1 ratio appears the best as no child would be left out. The children will always be helped during play, bath and meal times. Financially, it stretches the dollar but also not by too much. Sharing of food and commuting via the diff tranportation modes also seemed the most economical.
If it’s 2:1, some may think the overindulgence in that 1 could lead to raising a tyrannical and spoilt child. Hence 1:1 somewhat seemed the best. But still again, that’s not the main reason why we wanted to have KR, we wanted cos we love him.
Reason #03: Peer pressure or aunties pressure
“….so when are u going to have a no.2?”
I always find people who ask such question as people who has nothing better to ask. It’s not as if they are really concerned about our family planning! They are just moving along with the list of ‘A’ -Typical-CNY-break-the-ice-conversational-starters.
When single, “oh! When are u getting a Boyfriend?”
When attached, “Oh! When are u getting married?”
When married, “Oh when are you going to have a baby?”
When you have one kid, “Oh when are you having a no.2?”
And I think generally people stop when the it hits the topic of no.2. How strange but true.
And though we see our friends all having no.2, one by one. I was never envious cos I am never easily pressured to do anything in life anyway. We went through this with many people asking but it was not pressures that made us have a no.2, we have him cos we love him.
With the conviction of first loving before bringing no.2 into the world. It then doesn’t matter the form he first came into the world, what he is going to achieve and who he is going to become cos we love him anyway.
The word of the LORD came to me, saying, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; Jeremiah 1:4-5