The conversation I had with KX in the car one morning earlier this week, set me thinking about how much more, have I gone the extra,to help her feel a bit better as a big Jie Jie? The private time with her is insufficient, the yummy snacks I buy for her are good but not the best, reading to her as usual is not good enough…
“I like Aunty (my helper), mummy, she plays with me….yes, I like Aunty more than you!”
Hmph! She is definitely not the only one who struggles with jealousy 😦
You mean, it din matter that I drive you to and fro school? I bring you out on lunch dates? I still shower you and make it a point to read with you? Hang out at the playground still?
The defeated me mulled over the conversations as I drove home. And my conclusion is that this poor girl needs more than just what I normally do for her now. Cos now, there is a sibling fighting for the same love from her mama. I need to do even more, be even more understanding towards her and have greater patience… her love tank is in “deficit” and I gotta pump it up.
Upon reflection, it’s really been a while since she asked for “Bentos” and I recalled one conversation which I had with her that she said, “Let’s go out for dinner mummy, but u bring out my dinner.” (She was referring to what I used to do for her when she was a baby/young tots. Like hot porrridge in her Miffy Thermal Food Jar or prep a Bento Box for her.) I remembered I actually dismissed that request with a laugh and told her not to be silly. I even asked why would she still wanna eat baby food. On a hindsight, I think she was reminiscing. She was thinking back on the good old days when life was not so tough on her. When she has all the love and attention from everyone, especially, me.
I seriously need to do something about it.
Over two days, I tried …
From top left: Rose apples, cheese cubes, wholemeal Bunny French toast on a bed of Edamame and scrambled eggs.
Can’t compare with what I used to make for her but KX was very pleased and she finished everything. 🙂
Just yesterday, KX threw a BIG tantrum after school. She was tired. For no rhyme or reason, she screamed and demanded me to let her run at the school’s Plaza. No ‘please’, no ‘may I’. It was pure ego at work and the infamous terrible 3 angst at full force. The 120 decibel over 30 seconds of screaming nearly blew burst the ear drums of all the aunties and uncles around. I was not embarrassed, neither angry.
After 2 minutes of wailing and thrashing on the floor, I remembered God telling me to be more patient and more loving towards her. I walked over, opened my arms and carried her to the car. Of course she continued the feisty fight, I just told her, “Cry, if it makes u feel better. Mummy is not angry, when I get to park the car, I will hug you.”
Her crying got softer throughout the drive but only stopped after I hugged her for a long while when we reached home.
I don’t want to be there for my kid only when she does well and is at her best. I want to be there for her even at her ugliest, lowest.
KX, when u grow older and is reading this post. Know that mummy loves you very much. Regardless of who you are, what you’ve done and what you have. Now and always, I’ll be there for you.