Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
We are 2 weeks away from the Colostomy Closure operation and today I broke down in the car after running an errand. My exact words to God today were…
“God, you have your favourites and my son is definitely not one of them!”
The tears took over the rest of the conversation and I soon find myself choking as I could no longer contain the gravity of my grief. The Lord let me have my moment and I just bore open my heart before Him. There were no words, I could only articulate with streams of tears, the Lord was silent and my groans dominated the monologue. But, I believed He understood every drop of them; perfectly clear. Psalm 56:8
Many people always commented to me, “辛苦了”, they often think that it’s tiring looking after KR but actually journeying with him is not tiring, (不辛苦）just heart wrenching (很心痛). I can’t find the right words to describe the pain I am going through…the tears probably explain the best.
This coming February 7th marks the 4th operation that KR will be going for in a mere 16 mths of his life.
Throughout these months I prayed continually for healing. I asked God to just open a hole in his bum bum miraculously so that he doesn’t have to go through a PSARP. God heard and I am sure he did, the more I prayed the more I knew His will was for KR to have to go through it. Was God being evil? Why would His will be that for a baby? Why would he want to see someone so small to be in such pain? I had many questions that ran through my head…Was I with little faith or had no faith at all that I can’t witness a physical miracle? Or maybe… there isn’t even a God? …
God being GOd, foreknew the struggle that I would have during this season. During the December holidays last year, I have been seeing eagles. Be it while driving, at the park, or just strolling with KR, I would spot eagle soaring! This repeat visitations made me relook at Isaiah 40 over and over again.
The word of God for this season for me was “HOPE and Trust in Him”. There may be many things I can’t comprehend in my human wisdom but my relationship with God tells me that He is real and He is good. This season, I am also very blessed with the articles from John Piper Ministries. It confirms a lot of things which I chose to believe about who God is and what He is doing in my situation. I am humbled through these readings and the meditations of His word. I am reminded of how great our God’s love is and I am simply in awed.
John Piper Ministries Articles:
1. If God doesn’t heal You
Although God can heal, we must never presume He must.
“The Spirit of God, the Spirit of glory, will come to you, and rest upon you in the hour of your trial.”
One of the many I saw, thankful for one to be captured.
My conclusion of ‘Hoping in the Lord’ is this: it is not to see a definite change in our situations today but to have the strength to live through life’s toughest (because of who God is and what He says) in view of eternity. And our eternity is so secured in Christ. This hope is assured.